The Subaru Effect

You know this effect. You've never noticed or cared about a make of car in your life until you take a ride in, or purchase one and suddenly they are positively everywhere. You see them in the highway, at the grocery store and it turns out your best friend has been driving one unbeknownst to you for years.

I can say that I've always been interested in writing and in language. But for me that's usually been a function of word choice, vocabulary and the aesthetic appeal of words. I've always treated grammar as more of a necessary means to an end. I've been guilty of playing fast and loose with spelling and, let's face it, will be again as my overall dogma about the arbitrariness of the anglo vs. american spelling differences remains unchanged. But since writing in a little more earnest than heretofore, and with the concept of an audience in mind, I'm suddenly noticing how other writers use grammar. It's like a freaking Subaru. It used to be that language, like a car just got me from point A to point B. Now I'm turning into one of those insufferable jerks who wants to write those essays you had to read in high school about "form". Wait, I suppose "turning into" may be inaccurate.

I'm about a halfway into chapter two and I've actually had to jump ahead into other chapters in various parts of the story and flesh those elements out first. Part of the reason is I have a better concept of the high points I want to hit then I do of the connections. If I leap around a little then I have focus points to drive the story with (see that another driving reference) and the narrative is smoother. I don't recall if I've made this comment before but working this way makes me feel like I'm uncovering or discovering the story that I've already written instead of sitting stumped about how to get all the way to point Q from point C. This technique also helps with a sort of anxiety that comes with being this early in a project. I worry I won't ever finish, or that if I finish it won't be good. I've done enough things in my life to know that isn't the case and that it will get done one way or another. The real question is how efficiently, or enjoyably will I be able to connect the dots of ideas into a finished product and how much discipline can I exert to keep from rushing the quality (of which I will be the sole arbiter).

Chapter 1 was a rousing success in that I actually had to cut myself off at a certain point and move on in the story. I had lots to say on the themes and characters. Chapter 2 is not suffering from that particular difficulty. I'm finding that in some places the outline I have provided gives me insufficient material if I haven't properly considered, or made sufficient note of, why I've included those ideas. It's a bit like going grocery shopping when you can't remember what you planned on cooking. As it is, the second chapter is only half complete but I've run through all the chronological material I had planned.

Thank god for flashbacks. Although, I hereby solemnly swear I will not do back story on every character just to make up for the fact that I didn't plan enough material to get me to the end of a season, I mean chapter (I'm looking at your Seasons 3 and 4 of Lost).

I'm not sure exactly how to get out of this particular douldrum. I've tried the "just sit and write" technique of the professionals and I think I understand the point is to just get something out and avoid the analysis paralysis or writers block that can kill a project in its tracks I don't think that's the answer here. If I just churn something out, without taking the time to consider why, then I can expect to come back and rewrite it later. I've heard some writers are more careful and measured in their approach. Course, most of them are dead so I can't ask them. Maybe their volume of work is smaller but I think I'll be satisfied with a novella that says what I intended over a novel that is descriptive page filler. I read the first 50 pages of Les Miserables and from what I remember they were all describing the door or sacristy of a church. I'm sure there was a metaphor there somewhere but I think I'll aim for a slightly more declaratively style than that.

On a "grand scheme" related note, I may need to swap a new project in and one of the others out. I know, and before you break into a rousing chorus of "But Kraemer that was the bet" let me explain that I've been cast in a volunteer, fundraising musical which promises to be very fun and very time consuming.

I figure if it meets the criteria of the initial project a) to be bloggable and b) to be non-work related it may be worthwhile. Although, I'm not sure who to vote off the island in it's favour: painting or opera. It would make the most sense to punt the opera as the musical is...well, music. I welcome opinions on the subject from my 2 blogg followers (love yah both ladies).

I'm continuing to really enjoy the act of writing. It's always been a great source of escape and there is something very cathartic about organizing your ideas, even your made up ideas, into a recognizable form. This process has actually shown me how much I rely on escapism to get through many of the difficult aspects of my life. I suspect it's because there is such a measurable outcome associated with such an obvious manifestation of mental flight. However, I'm not going to assume that it's a bad thing for me to step outside the four corners of my world on a semi-regular basis. That is, as long as I remember that I drive a Chevy now.

My Sister Reads My Blog!

Love you sis.

Avoidance to the Rescue

Somedays I need a distraction and today is just that day. So without further ado, allow me to be distracted! Let's recap, my "chapter 1 challenge" was mostly successful. I say mostly because it didn't happen over the weekend as planned. Instead it was later that week, as my schedule would allow. While part of me wants to say "Kraemer that was the bet", meaning it was a zero sum target, I haven't forgotten this is my hobby and I'm pretty happy to have got that done.

Part of why it didn't happen entirely according to schedule was at first I tried to just force myself to write, (like I was being paid by the word). I had to actually leave it alone for a while and come back to it with a better attitude. This is because, frankly, it was sucking. It didn't take a huge shift in approach, just a little more interest in what I was actually doing, instead of sole interest in meeting a random target. That's really all it took and I got some additional ideas when I took a little more time and effort that rounded out the chapter. It's fun to use the story as an excuse to do a little research on random things like waterfalls and skid-loaders.

Now onto other things. The title of today's entry is referring to what these projects actually mean to me and their role in my life. I have few opportunities these days to slip away entirely into something that has no consequences. Writing is allowing me to blow off steam. Moreover, I find that writing fiction allows me to express things that are interesting to me, or otherwise captivating or bothering me in a way that is out of context and not harmful. But it can be pretty all consuming. I came home after a stressful day and all I wanted to do was pick the story up and sink into it (I didn't tonight because I knew I'd have about enough energy to write a page and then fall asleep).

I'd say on a scale of 1-10 that's a 9 of a successful hobby. So my next task will be to either review the plot line and refine it (which is what I end up doing if I can't get my head around the task) and/or start the second chapter and hopefully get 15 pages in our so. It's already November and I'm still puttering away on the first project but I don't want to split my limited time so I guess I'll have to say "suck it up buttercup" to myself and keep at it.

Butterfly versus Car

A couple people have asked some excellent questions about the book. In particular, someone recently asked if it was reality based or had elements of fantasy. It's a great question because when I started the thing oh-so-long ago I intended that it would have elements of "magic realism" where ordinary objects and ordinary situations would become extraordinary. So for example, the author Gabriel Garcia Marquez has a car become covered with butterflies and the butterflies carry the car away. However, in redrafting I've decided against that style, at least on the scale where the butterflies carry the cars away. Interestingly, I think you can still see elements in the plot and other "narrative devices" like the locations, characters and other general choices, (that you will have to figure out if you ever read it), that were intended to house a metaphor. That's not to say that I've removed all symbols but I've toned them down from where they once were...'course, that's probably like a drag queen wearing her Sunday dress instead of her gown.

In the original draft I also spent a lot more time on character development. I have close to 30 pages of back story which is 29 more then I ever intend to reveal in the new draft. I mean the thing read like a series of Lost episodes. However, the writing for the characters who were the subject of the aforementioned sitcom treatment is actually really a pleasure because I have at least a rough sense of how they should sound, what motivates them etc. 

There are 6 chapters planned and I'm aiming for something in the neighbourhood of 200 pages. I'm not Tolstoy here and I'm not being paid by the word. I have some time this weekend. Chapter 1 is about two plot developments and 10 pages to complete. I hope to be on Chapter 2 by the end of next week. 

Who Knew Organization Could Be So Effective?

Check! I framed the whole thing book out with a timeline. I can now say that the story takes place more or less within the span of a year. The whole thing actually only took a couple hours to map out. The best part was it seemed like I was remember things about the characters and plot that I knew all along. 

Part of the problem with just writing cold before I did the outline was I had too many versions and too many options rolling around in my mind, likely as a result of delayed execution. I suspect that's also why the framework came together quickly though when I did it. 

I actually expected to be writing this entry about how hard the framing was, because let's face it I'm not crazy about commitment and I tend to agonize over details. I shouldn't exaggerate either, the framework is rough plan. It's not like every scene is framed in it's entirety, but every chapter has a story arc and I've got homes for all of the material that I have planned and written so far. 

Who knew the key appears to be making a couple choices and then living with them? This is giving the whole project great focus. Lately, I've been pretty busy and, having completed my last goal, was satisfied to just rest on my laurel's but I think the next objective has got to be some regular writing every couple days. 

I don't want to rush this so the whole thing turns into a novella but I have a real sense that this is the time to make this happen. 

 

Typing It In

Today is October 10, 2010 (or as my husband points out 10/10/10). This entry is a delightful example of the trouble with setting ambitious, yet unformed goals. Specifically, I announced the clock was running on my projects and there were two immediate problems. First, I didn't set any clear timeline for follow up and second I didn't make an actual strategy for how I was going to proceed with getting my book in order. 

Now, in my defence when I oh-so-blithely wrote my first post I was coming home from work and writing for a couple hours every night. But there is nothing like committing to a product to cause that sort of unself-conscious inspiration to wither. That's usually where these kinds of projects die for me and why I'm in this position in the first place. I have this feeling that to get to the end of these sorts of things I have to surprise myself by more or less completing it in a state of passive inspiration. 

Anyone who has ever got anything done will tell you that is BS. Particularly when the ideas and themes for my book have been percolating for so long. It's not a question of inspiration any more, the thoughts aren't going away. It is now a question of execution. 

I've decided I want to focus on completing the book first, or at least getting the bulk of the story points outlined in sufficient detail that I can turn to it in a less structured way in the future. So far there are 46  pages of full text, 6 chapters (2 of which are outlines) and the last two page of the book. I know where the stories needs to go, I know the main plot devises by which I intend to get there but I'm still working out some of the precise interactions between the characters and to be completely honest I don't know exactly what I want to do with one of the protagonist's "friends". 

So far I've been working toward the end goal, but this can have the impact of forcing the story forward at an unnatural narrative pace. So my strategy is, for the next two or three times I open that file, to go back to developing back story and to laying out the time line in greater precision. After that, it's really easy to fill in the description and the dialogue. I think I'm going to have to say too that this will have to take place by the end of the month or else this will be a 'five year blog project' instead of a 'one year' one. 

Something I learned while completing a Fine Arts Degree

Something I learned while completing a Fine Arts Degree is that most everyone in the room thinks they, and only they, are the next greatest thing to ever happen to the world of opera, or music, or theatre, insert disciplines till hands are satisfied with amount of typing. However, the other thing I learned while preparing for my riveting career in the food service industry is that very few of us are the hot stuff we think we should be. It's just a fact and a tough one: not everyone gets to be an astronaut when she grows up. 

But don't worry! This is not a rant. As you may have guessed by now, I stopped pursuing a career in Fine Arts. I did some retraining, got a nice, stable job with plenty of challenge that I plan on doing for the rest of my working life. It’s great! But this isn’t the story of my job either.

No, this is the story of what you can make of the rest of your life. You know the time I mean, that 50 to 75 years or so after you realized that maybe you aren't actually Mozart, or his slightly older, English speaking cousin. 

I am setting out to finish some projects I've had on the back burner for a very long time. One of them, my book, has been a work in progress, since junior high. To be honest, it’s actually been lost, retrieved and lost again by my husband in a series of poorly executed computer upgrades and consequently, only a few key scenes of the original remain. But nonetheless I think 17 years is long enough to have a story rolling around in the back of your head. 

However, concurrently, I have a few other projects that I’ve been working on: one is an opera in one act, called “Loan Remission: a Musical Guide to Repaying your Student Loans in a Tight Economy” and the other is a painting with no particular title but it’s oil, roughly 2x3 and supposed to be of some pretty buildings.

Why then am I bringing all this to your attention when what clearly needs to happen is I need to sit down with a glass of something malted, play some light classical music and churn all this out? Well, there are two reasons: first, that pesky job and my excellent family, both of which I love so very well, have a habit of being a touch all consuming and I hear it’s important to have…like…outside interests or something; and second, I’d like to tell you about it because I think it will be interesting.

Also, and this touches on one of my issues with the way people talk about projects and achievements: I think too many things are presented without any realistic discussion about all the hard work that goes into them. What I mean is, it’s easy to stand up and say it was all a snap after you’ve done something impressive or even time consuming. But I’d prefer to be honest and say to undertake any of these projects, even if the product is only so-so takes a little more than just a plucky attitude.

So without further ado, it is September 14, 2010. Let’s see what I can get done in a year.